Living Far Beneath Your Privileges

Sometimes we limit ourselves. Sometimes we do so unknowingly. I did this to myself, and I am marking today, as the day I decided to change that. For the majority of my academic life, I have achieved success, but I feel that I was limiting myself. I think it mostly started in my Sophomore year of high school, when I adopted procrastination into my life. I used to do my homework on time all the time, until my teacher said that homework wasn't due until the end of the month. Then I began to put off my assignments, and started to do so in my other classes. 

Another way that I have limited myself in my studies, is that I use the "average" as my buffer. I make assignments easier on myself by thinking to myself that I couldn't possibly achieve the highest grade or 100%. /*It's been a long time since I've seen one of those...*/ I think to myself that as long as I get the average, or somewhere near it, I'm okay. How horrible is that. HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS BEFORE?! Who settles for mediocrity?! I know I used to; but not anymore.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a wonderful talk on this topic. I didn't see it until now, but I have been living far beneath my privileges. He gives a humorous analogy of a man on a cruise who was not aware that all of the activities on the ship were included in the price for the cruise. That was me. By not turning to my Heavenly Father for help, not studying my hardest, not reading my scriptures, not praying, not paying attention in church, and not seeking for help, I was stopping myself from progressing... and I could feel it.

I really noticed this happening last week when I determined that I needed to do well in my classes this term. I am taking Computer Science 235: Data Structures, and IT 567: Pen Testing and Cyber Security. Both of these classes are really important to me. CS 235 is important, because I withdrew from it last semester, and felt like I had given up. I took my first C++ course a year ago, and I was completely not prepared for it. I should have researched a little bit about programming and what I was getting into. I feel like if I had paid more attention in class, and tried harder on the assignments, I would have helped myself out now. I remember having the TA's basically do all of the work for me. I would stay in the lab for hours, hopelessly trying to do an assignment that I didn't do the reading for, or any preparation for. Imagine trying to write a coherent book in a different language that you haven't done any studying on... that's what writing a program is like when you don't try and you just expect it to make sense and compile. Nope. Doesn't work like that. I learned that the hard way.

Now that I understand how important it is to know how to program in my major, I am trying harder. Sometimes, I hold myself back by telling myself that I would need to start all over, but I know that that would not help me at all. That would only hold me back more. I'm sure that if I asked a successful programmer if they wished they would have been more diligent in their studies at one point, and I am sure that the majority of them would say yes. I am just going to pick up the pieces that I know, and try as hard as I can in order to learn this.

Doing well in CS 235 is imperative for me because my last 3 semesters, I have not done as well as I could have. I could beat around the bush like I usually do, but that's not what this blog is for. 3 semesters ago, I failed CS 124. I tried to do what I had done in CS 142, and basically let the TA's do the work for me, but I learned all too late that that would not work. So I gave up. Then, I was determined to avoid CS classes for a while /*BIG MISTAKE*/. So I took a 4 credit IT Web Development class and passed with the skin of my teeth and the mercy of my professor and TA's. And I got the lowest passing score in my Econ class this last Fall. Then, this last semester, I was going to take CS 235 and Calculus. I dropped out of both and added Algebra and Trigonometry, telling myself that I hadn't taken math in too long, and needed to refresh. But, since I still hadn't resolved to try harder and work with Heavenly Father on my problems, I ended up getting a D- and a E in Algebra and Trigonometry. /*Now, all of you have lowered your opinions of me... great. */

Because of all of this trouble that I have gotten myself into, I am now on Academic Warning. That is so scary to me. I am okay right now, but if I continue down this path for a long time, I will be unable to attend BYU. That would be my worst nightmare. Before I realized that I needed God's help, I decided that I should read my CS textbook. I sat down and for an hour I tried to read that book. I tried. I literally could not keep my attention on it for more than 20 seconds. I saw myself doing this, and I could not even force myself to pay attention to it. How scary was that. I had lost all will-power and hope that I could do well at all. 

Then I started this blog and made a resolution to turn to God and ask for help. After all, I had tried everything else. It all makes sense now though. If I was not going to make Heavenly Father a priority in my life, he was going to make me make Him a priority. Wow, I have a thick skull. But that doesn't matter anymore. My past is my past, and my mistakes are just that... mistakes. Now I have made decision to keep Heavenly Father as my #1 priority.

In Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk he tells us of how we can overcome this. He says, "As you read the scriptures and listen to the words of the prophets with all your heart and mind, the Lord will tell you how to live up to your privileges"..."As we do these things, we will begin to live up to our potential and privileges, and we will be able to do all things through Christ who strengthens us".

I know that if I read my scriptures and listen to the words of the prophets with all of my heart and mind, I will be told how I can live up to my privileges, I will begin to live up to my potential, and I will be strengthened to do all things through Christ.