All You Need is Faith, Trust, and a Little Bit of Pixie Dust

Recently I have been reading my scriptures with a very specific purpose: to find what I need in order to succeed in my studies. The one common conclusion that I always seem to come to is faith. I think that I was too blind to see it until now, but that is all we need.

Today I started back at the very beginning of the Book of Mormon. At the end of the first chapter it says, "But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance". In Ether it says, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." These scriptures, and many more all have the same promise. If we are faithful, we will become strong.

Over the years, my definition of faith has changed. Here are excerpts from my quote book about my thoughts on faith, in chronological order:

• "I think that faith is a greater understanding of God; knowing that if we work hard and do our part the Lord will bless us and help us. Faith is actually trying to be better". 
• "To me, faith is trust. Trust, and all of the actions that come because of your trust in the Lord". 
• "Patience and faith in God go hand in hand. If you are being impatient with your situation or with God, you are saying that you know better, your time table is better, and that you don't trust God's plan". 
• "How do you demonstrate faith? You keep the commandments. You do what you think Heavenly Father would want you to do. That is all you need to do to have faith." 
• "Faith is knowing and doing. It takes faith to overcome habits". 
• "Fear is the opposite of faith. They cannot coexist." 
• "Be flexible in your goals and have faith in what the Lord has in store for you." 
• "Proclaiming a declaration of doubt is not more honorable than an honest declaration of faith." 
• "I think that faith is believing that with God, all things are possible; That God has the desire and ability to help us, while hope is believing that He will help us. We cannot have one without the other". 

I think that I have only struck the tip of the iceberg on faith, and I am determined to figure out the rest. It seems to be the key to my journey right now.

With Increased Faith, No One Can Stop Your Progress.

Today was a good, progressive day. The first half of my day wasn't as fulfilling as the second half, but hey, we're all about progress. I spent the earlier part of my day taking a nap and avoiding going to campus to get real work done. Then, I finally made my way up to campus and went to a review session for my Computer Science 235 class, and worked on a tutorial I found online. Once I left the lab after 3 hours, I felt renewed and hopeful... full of faith.

Faith is what I needed in order to get this progress going. I needed to believe that Heavenly Father could and would help me. I needed to forget about everything else, and just trust Him. That is what I plan to do from now on.

I really like the phrase "faith as a grain of mustard seed". This phrase is very significant and close to me. Before, I never really understood, but now I can relate. We always sang in Primary, "Faith is like a little seed", but now I get it. Faith doesn't always start out big. In fact, most times, it starts out very small. Sometimes, even all the faith we can possibly conjure up, only amounts to the size of a mustard seed... and that's okay. That is all that Christ asks of us. Really, that is it. In Ether 12:27 Ether tells us: "for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them". All that Heavenly Father asks of us is all the faith that we have, which may only end up being microscopic, but it is enough for Him.

Once I started displaying what little faith I had by doing the things on the list that I blogged about a while ago, (Read the Ensign each month, Read the Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple pamphlet, Be completely diligent in my Visiting Teaching, Be more aware of curfew, and abide by the rules, Communicate lovingly with my roommates, Kneel and pray before I leave my apartment in the morning, Kneel and pray before I go to sleep, Pray before I eat, Set apart a time where I can read the scriptures everyday, Schedule a time to go to the temple each week) I started to see progress.

In a talk about faith, President Hinckley said, "In the on-working of this great cause, increased faith is what we most need. Without it, the work would stagnate. With it, no one can stop its progress". I would like to relate this to myself by rephrasing what he says, "In the on-working of this great cause [of learning here on earth], increased faith is what we[I] most need. Without it, the work [my knowledge] would stagnate [like it did when the Lord was not my first priority in my life]. With it, no one can stop its progress".

I know that if I continue to put the Lord first in my life and work hard, I will be able to succeed. Sometimes it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel (especially in the dungeons of the Talmadge building), but I know that God is with me, helping get there.

We are Yellow Canaries with Gray on our Wings

When I first heard this analogy I didn't think much of it, but now I can relate. President Thomas S. Monson gave a wonderful talk about how a woman who passed away gave three canaries away in her will. Two of them were bright and yellow, and the other was a little ruffled and had gray on its wings; but it's song was the prettiest. President Monson then goes on to compare that woman and ourselves with the yellow canary with gray on it's wings. He says:

"The world is filled with yellow canaries with gray on their wings. The pity is that so precious few of them have learned to sing. Perhaps the clear notes of proper example have not sounded in their ears or found lodgment in their hearts. Some are young people who don’t know who they are, what they can be or even want to be. They are afraid, but they don’t know of what. They are angry, but they don’t know at whom. They are rejected, and they don’t know why. All they want is to be somebody. Others are stooped with age, burdened with care, or filled with doubt—living lives far below the level of their capacities."

I especially like the part about living far below the level of their capacities, reminding me of Elder Uchtdorf's talk, "Your Potential, Your Privilege". I think that is something that I need to learn, since it keeps popping up in my studies. I have a thick head remember?

President Monson also briefly says, "All of us are prone to excuse our own mediocre performance". He says that we like to rationalize our poor performance and silently say to ourselves that we are not strong enough. I know I definitely have said this to myself... many times.

He then tells us that the point of life on earth is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves. He then proclaims that we can "develop the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and triumph with humility" by telling ourselves that we are sons and daughters of a God. We were created in the image of God. We have the capacity and capability to be just like Him when we grow up. I plan to personally hold onto this truth and use it to strengthen myself.

When I start to get down on myself, I just need to think that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know everything. Jesus is the perfect parent, teacher, scholar, and even the perfect programmer. He suffered for us. He atoned for our sins. He felt every pain, sorrow, and any feeling we have ever felt, or will feel. He knows you. He can help you become perfect and the wonderful, vibrant yellow canary you can become. He will do this for me, and He can do it for you too.

Living Far Beneath Your Privileges

Sometimes we limit ourselves. Sometimes we do so unknowingly. I did this to myself, and I am marking today, as the day I decided to change that. For the majority of my academic life, I have achieved success, but I feel that I was limiting myself. I think it mostly started in my Sophomore year of high school, when I adopted procrastination into my life. I used to do my homework on time all the time, until my teacher said that homework wasn't due until the end of the month. Then I began to put off my assignments, and started to do so in my other classes. 

Another way that I have limited myself in my studies, is that I use the "average" as my buffer. I make assignments easier on myself by thinking to myself that I couldn't possibly achieve the highest grade or 100%. /*It's been a long time since I've seen one of those...*/ I think to myself that as long as I get the average, or somewhere near it, I'm okay. How horrible is that. HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS BEFORE?! Who settles for mediocrity?! I know I used to; but not anymore.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave a wonderful talk on this topic. I didn't see it until now, but I have been living far beneath my privileges. He gives a humorous analogy of a man on a cruise who was not aware that all of the activities on the ship were included in the price for the cruise. That was me. By not turning to my Heavenly Father for help, not studying my hardest, not reading my scriptures, not praying, not paying attention in church, and not seeking for help, I was stopping myself from progressing... and I could feel it.

I really noticed this happening last week when I determined that I needed to do well in my classes this term. I am taking Computer Science 235: Data Structures, and IT 567: Pen Testing and Cyber Security. Both of these classes are really important to me. CS 235 is important, because I withdrew from it last semester, and felt like I had given up. I took my first C++ course a year ago, and I was completely not prepared for it. I should have researched a little bit about programming and what I was getting into. I feel like if I had paid more attention in class, and tried harder on the assignments, I would have helped myself out now. I remember having the TA's basically do all of the work for me. I would stay in the lab for hours, hopelessly trying to do an assignment that I didn't do the reading for, or any preparation for. Imagine trying to write a coherent book in a different language that you haven't done any studying on... that's what writing a program is like when you don't try and you just expect it to make sense and compile. Nope. Doesn't work like that. I learned that the hard way.

Now that I understand how important it is to know how to program in my major, I am trying harder. Sometimes, I hold myself back by telling myself that I would need to start all over, but I know that that would not help me at all. That would only hold me back more. I'm sure that if I asked a successful programmer if they wished they would have been more diligent in their studies at one point, and I am sure that the majority of them would say yes. I am just going to pick up the pieces that I know, and try as hard as I can in order to learn this.

Doing well in CS 235 is imperative for me because my last 3 semesters, I have not done as well as I could have. I could beat around the bush like I usually do, but that's not what this blog is for. 3 semesters ago, I failed CS 124. I tried to do what I had done in CS 142, and basically let the TA's do the work for me, but I learned all too late that that would not work. So I gave up. Then, I was determined to avoid CS classes for a while /*BIG MISTAKE*/. So I took a 4 credit IT Web Development class and passed with the skin of my teeth and the mercy of my professor and TA's. And I got the lowest passing score in my Econ class this last Fall. Then, this last semester, I was going to take CS 235 and Calculus. I dropped out of both and added Algebra and Trigonometry, telling myself that I hadn't taken math in too long, and needed to refresh. But, since I still hadn't resolved to try harder and work with Heavenly Father on my problems, I ended up getting a D- and a E in Algebra and Trigonometry. /*Now, all of you have lowered your opinions of me... great. */

Because of all of this trouble that I have gotten myself into, I am now on Academic Warning. That is so scary to me. I am okay right now, but if I continue down this path for a long time, I will be unable to attend BYU. That would be my worst nightmare. Before I realized that I needed God's help, I decided that I should read my CS textbook. I sat down and for an hour I tried to read that book. I tried. I literally could not keep my attention on it for more than 20 seconds. I saw myself doing this, and I could not even force myself to pay attention to it. How scary was that. I had lost all will-power and hope that I could do well at all. 

Then I started this blog and made a resolution to turn to God and ask for help. After all, I had tried everything else. It all makes sense now though. If I was not going to make Heavenly Father a priority in my life, he was going to make me make Him a priority. Wow, I have a thick skull. But that doesn't matter anymore. My past is my past, and my mistakes are just that... mistakes. Now I have made decision to keep Heavenly Father as my #1 priority.

In Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk he tells us of how we can overcome this. He says, "As you read the scriptures and listen to the words of the prophets with all your heart and mind, the Lord will tell you how to live up to your privileges"..."As we do these things, we will begin to live up to our potential and privileges, and we will be able to do all things through Christ who strengthens us".

I know that if I read my scriptures and listen to the words of the prophets with all of my heart and mind, I will be told how I can live up to my privileges, I will begin to live up to my potential, and I will be strengthened to do all things through Christ.

Balance is Achievable through Christ

Yesterday, I stumbled upon the scripture, Moroni 7: 20-22. It says:

20 And now, my brethren, how is it possible that ye can lay hold upon every good thing?

21 And now I come to that faith, of which I said I would speak; and I will tell you the way whereby ye may lay hold on every good thing.

22 For behold, God knowing all things, being from everlasting to everlasting, behold, he sent angels to minister unto the children of men, to make manifest concerning the coming of Christ; and in Christ there should come every good thing.

I know that Christ was speaking to me through these scriptures, and I heard the message that he was trying to give to me. In my scriptures, next to these verses, I wrote the word "balance". To me, that is a huge goal in my life. I want to be able to handle many different important things and do that successfully. I like that Mormon questions how it is possible to have every good thing. I interpret this, for my life as meaning, how can I possibly achieve all of the worthy goals that I have? Like obtaining an education, getting married in the temple, and raising children with the gospel in the home. At times, all of these goals, among others, can seem daunting, and you may feel like you can't do it all. 

He then goes on to say "...in Christ there should come every good thing". How profound is that? There is the one simple answer: Christ. He is the way that we can achieve every good thing that we desire. I testify that if you turn to Christ, you may be able to achieve all of the worthy goals that you have... and more.

Put the Lord First in Your Life, and Everything Will Align

This idea has been in my mind for a while. Every time I go to church, or when I am seeking for answers, this has been my answer recently. At first I didn't believe it, but now I get that the importance of putting the Lord first. Recently, I have not been diligent in reading my scriptures or praying to my Heavenly Father. Now, I'm not proud of this, but pride is not what this blog is about. It is about admitting to my weaknesses, embracing my strengths, and turning to God in order to become a better person. 

Just yesterday, I sat down to eat my homemade tacos for lunch at home, and before I knew it, I was finished and I realized that I didn't even think about praying to bless my food. Usually this is second nature to me. This realization scared me and made me realize that I want to be better. I need to be better.

I have also become extremely lax in my morning and evening prayers to my Heavenly Father. I resign to saying them as I go to sleep or simply forgetting them. As for daily scripture study, I have been briskly reading a couple verses most nights right before I go to sleep, hardly thinking about, or even understanding what I read.

Henry B. Eyring said in the May 2011 Ensign, "Testimony requires the nurturing by the prayer of faith, the hungering for the word of God in the scriptures, and the obedience to the truth we have received. There is danger in neglecting prayer. There is danger to our testimony in only casual study and reading of the scriptures. They are necessary nutrients for our testimony". I firmly believe that forgetting my prayers and ignoring my scriptures has endangered me to the temptations of the devil. It has nulled my sense for the Spirit, and has degraded my ability to learn.

I have been trying to do better in school recently. I have not been receiving the best grades recently, and I honestly want to do better. I want to improve. I want to be good. I have realized that my two thoughts of wanting to do better in school, and pushing my relationship with the Lord to the back burner are counter-productive. I am now realizing that putting the Lord first in my life will lead me to greater happiness and success. I guess I never thought this before because I haven't given the Lord the chance to show me that that is how it works.

After realizing this, I came to the conclusion that I need to make a list of ways that I can show the Lord that He is the first priority in my life. Here is what I came up with:

• Read the Ensign each month 
• Read the Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple pamphlet 
• Be completely diligent in my Visiting Teaching 
• Be more aware of curfew, and abide by the rules 
• Communicate lovingly with my roommates 
• Kneel and pray before I leave my apartment in the morning 
• Kneel and pray before I go to sleep 
• Pray before I eat 
• Set apart a time where I can read the scriptures everyday 
• Schedule a time to go to the temple each week 

This is a list that I have created for myself in order to show the Lord that He is first in my life. Each of these has a specific meaning to me. I encourage you to make your own list. It may be similar to mine, or completely different. I wouldn't feel obliged to do anything on this list just because I am. There are things that are not on my list that may be on yours. You need to listen to the Spirit and see what Heavenly Father tells you to focus on. Ask Him for help. Ask that you may know the steps that you need to take in order to show Him that He is first in your life too.

You Know Enough

Hello World! 
Welcome to my inaugural post of my blog, documenting my journey of learning. Assuming that I will never stop learning, this blog will not end when I have learned everything /*since I don't think that day will come */ but rather when I have moved on from this stage in my life. I hope that this blog can serve as a way for me to express the truth about myself and how I learn and documenting my progress.

Have you ever doubted yourself? Have you ever lived far below your capabilities? Has your faith ever wavered? Have you ever felt like you have lost yourself, and don't know where to turn? Well that is how I felt... feel now. You see, this blog is about how I am trying to learn how to learn, and how to love it. This blog is about how I discover how turning to Heavenly Father can help me and you in whatever trial we are facing /*even if that trial seems as silly as learning how to program in C++*/

This blog is mostly for me, and for me to discover myself, but it is also for you. I want my experience to be able to help and lift someone else along their way to eternal perfection. Hey, might as well save someone the trouble of figuring things out on their own when they can just learn from my mistakes and triumphs.

Again, welcome to my blog, welcome to this journey, welcome to how I came to know what  I already knew.