Faith and Self Confidence

In my studies/ pondering recently, my attention has been turned to the connection between faith and self confidence. I found this talk called Confidence and Self-Worth by Elder Glenn L. Pace of the Seventy, from the January 2005 Ensign. He quoted Dr. Thomas Harris saying this: " Most people never fulfill their human promise and potential because they remain perpetually helpless children overwhelmed by a sense of inferiority. The feeling of being okay does not imply that the person has risen above all his faults and emotional problems. It merely implies that he refuses to be paralyzed by them." I have seen this in my own life and I do not want to continue down this path. I think that this can be applied in the academic sense too. For the majority of my college career, I have been surrounded by students in the IT program who are all much older and more experienced than me. I work in a lab that consists of mostly graduate students, and I am auditing a class in which I have taken none of the prerequisite classes for. All of these factors I think have affected me in both positive and negative ways. I think that I have let their knowledge overwhelm me rather than inspire me. I have been paralyzed by my own feelings of inferiority.

In Elder Pace's talk he defines lacking confidence as having feelings of low self-worth. He then goes on to say, "We are preoccupied with our weaknesses, and we lack faith in the Lord's ability to use those weaknesses for our good. We do not understand our inestimable worth in the eyes of God, not do we appreciate our divine potential. Ironically, both pride and a lack of self-confidence cause us to focus excessively on ourselves and to deny the power of God in our lives." This is how faith and self confidence go hand in hand. Once we recognize our weaknesses, we have a choice. We can choose to let God help us strengthen that weakness, or we can let it define us and tear us down. If you choose to let your weaknesses destroy you, you are doubting the Lord's ability to help you, underestimating your worth in the eyes of God, being unappreciative of your divine potential and you are denying the power of God in your life. Sounds harsh. Having low self confidence is a destructive behavior that can be reversed.

I think that my feelings of low self worth are not only affecting my academic life, but my personal life too. Recently I have had a barrage of self-destructive thoughts. I wonder to myself why I have never dated anyone, and think it is all my fault, that I am not pretty enough, or smart enough, or thin enough. I think that there is no reason that any guy would like me, that some other girl deserves it more than me. I know that I shouldn't have these thoughts. I know that Heavenly Father is just testing my faith and has many great things in store for me. I was watching a random movie on TV the other day and a line that a character said struck me. In the movie a guy was asking a girl he had dated why he wasn't good enough for her when they were dating, she replied that he was good enough for her, he just wasn't good enough for himself. I think that that is my problem too.

Whenever I think of waiting and Heavenly Father testing our faith, I always think of the story of the Nephites when Jesus was coming to the Americas in 3 Nephi. It says, "Now it came to pass that there was a day set apart by the unbelievers, that all those who believed in those traditions should be put to death except the sign should come to pass, which had been given by Samuel the prophet." I always imagine the unbelievers gathering up those who did believe that the signs of Christ's coming would come, waiting for the sun to set and no darkness to come. Imagine the amount of faith that took. Imagine how easy it would have been deny your testimony and forget your faith and to join those who did not believe. Imagine those who chose at the last second to doubt that He would come, only to be ashamed of themselves for turning away just at the last second. I think that we are always in this situation. I think that Heavenly Father has a way of making us wait just long enough so that we can prove whether or not we will have the faith to stay, maybe even risking our lives, to wait until the Savior comes.

One thing that helps me remember that I am loved is something my older sister Rachel did for me a year ago. In January she emailed me this quote: “Girls are like apples...the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree...” ― Pete Wentz
Then for Valentines day, she gave me an awesome Adventure Time valentine day card that said, "You're at the top of the tree." This always makes me feel better every time I am feeling down on myself.

I found another LDS article that was in the January 2007 New Era called, I Can Do It! Confidence Builders. Here, they provide a list of things you can do in order to build your self-confidence:

•Pray, as Moses did, that the Lord will help you remember that you are His child and that you have an important work to do.
• Make a list of your strengths and good qualities.
• Read and ponder your patriarchal blessing, or prepare to receive one.
• Serve others, and write in your journal how service makes you feel.
• Eat well and exercise. Your body is a gift from God, and good nutrition and physical activity will lift your mood and help you feel better about yourself.
• Offer prayers of gratitude, and record your gratitude in a journal.
• Develop your talents.
• Keep the commandments.

I intend to do these things so that I can increase my faith and self confidence. I can still feel that there is a lot more for me to learn about faith, but I am learning more each day about faith.